I left Bend within two hours of deciding I was going somewhere. I didn't really pack anything. I threw some random clothes, makeup and pillows in the car. Called my grandma and told her I was on my way over. Spent the night in Corvallis, went through my grandma's garage, got a bunch of cool stuff for an apartment that I don't yet have. Drove out of town and very irrationally decided that Hood River was a better destination than Bend. I've been staying with friends, packing my house, trying to find a job and afford things, trying to not annoy my friends, and forgetting to be myself in the process. Most of that disappears when I'm in the Gorge.
I don't live here, and I don't know that I ever will for more than a couple months, but it's my favorite place in the Northwest. And maybe it's that way because I don't live here. In some ways, I'm more myself here, than when I'm in Bend, or Seattle, or anywhere else. I can do what I feel like. I can go run around in the woods, at the mountain, play in the rivers. I can go sit at Doppio and read, write, contemplate, and drink a peanut butter mocha smoothie. I can get up at noon, sit around with my best friend, and make phonecalls on her phone, because mine is dead, and I have no desire to recharge it. I don't have to worry about things, and I don't have to be stressed out. I can take care of things through phone calls, and then get over it. It doesn't matter here. I love here. I come here to be this way.
It gets even better when I get away from cars, buildings, restaraunts, stores and busy-ness. Tuesday morning, a friend and I decided that we were going to go camping. We threw all our gear in his truck, took a picture of Google Maps directions, and headed for the middle of nowhere. I've found my favorite middle of nowhere. It's located, by my sense of direction, on the backside of Mount St. Helens, and its absolutely fabulous. Little campground in the boonies, we thought we were lost several times, while driving there, because Google's directions weren't very accurate at all. But we found it, and spent about 20 hours soaking up some pristine cold clear mountain river water, cooking on a Jetboil, arguing about how to correctly cook a marshmallow, and stargazing from an REI halfdome half sheltered by ginormous trees. With no service, and only one person I'd met before, I remembered what I love so much about being in the woods, and why I need to remember it more often. I've been rediscovering who I am, lately, and remembering that there's a reason I'm an outdoor leadership major and a reason that I am who I am, and a reason that so many of my friends in Bend don't know me as well as other ones. I'm a mountain woman at heart, and I don't care if you think otherwise due to some things that I choose to do to keep myself entertained in the high desert. When it comes down to it, my soul belongs in the mountains, and I'm going to do my best to keep it happy.
Peace, love, and sitting underneath 50 foot waterfalls,
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