On a regular basis in my life, my friends are able to see things in me before I'm able to identify them myself. When I go through a period of change, there are usually people by my side that say 'yeah, we knew this was going to happen'. I just got into a conversation with an awesome friend, and he started telling me things that he's noticed about my life, that he thinks I need to be better at. Interestingly enough, he's absolutely right. And the fact that I realize this, and I'm not mad, is impressive for me. The best part? They're things I'm already working on.
In fact, I think I owe an apology to some people in my life. I'm a sucky friend sometimes, and I don't really realize it until it might be too late. I get annoyed with people, and instead of talking through it, I disappear. I don't like conflict in my relationships, but I dislike losing friends more, regardless of my actions. I love the people in my life, an incredible amount. I want you all to realize that. I've gotten way caught up in things that don't actually matter, to me, and in general. Image has become a demon in my life, unfortunately, and I've begun to get over it. I care about the way I look, but I'm starting to not care who likes it and who doesn't. I read a blog post by an old friend a couple of weeks ago, and started to cry. I realized that I had become something completely different from who I used to be, and who I want to be. That I was way more caught up in the 'steezy' ski scene than I ought, and that it was taking over my life. I decided right then and there that it was over, and I was going to be me, regardless of who I was around.
It's hard to make that change overnight, obviously. But, I've started worrying less about how others perceive me, when compared to their life and their style. I am not a groupie, a minion. I am a unique person with unique taste and unique style. I was born this way, I always have been this way. I just forgot for a while. In that forgetfulness, I also forgot that I deeply care about people, and I want to love my friends as much as I can.
The conversation I just had got emotional on my end when he said, "you are worth the best in life and love, don't forget it." I do forget that, quite often. And to be honest, I've sold myself short a lot. He told me that people love to follow something, and that I should dare to lead instead. "Think slow. Put priority on your relationships. Be patient and merciful with your friends." I'm almost overwhelmed by the simplicity found in those statements. I need to live what I believe, not follow what others do.
I'm learning. And I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment